Growing up, I was never one to take medicine, put bandaids or Neosporin on cuts, and I never had a sprained ankle that lasted very long. In short, I tend to heal fast. I’d like to thank my genes for that, but also my upbringing. My parents raised us to be tough. Walk it off. Get your ass up and keep going. Do. Not. Quit. I always joke around to people about how when I had the flu as a kid, my dad would tell me to “walk it off” (no seriously he did this). I may be a little more sensitive with my future kids, like, maybe throw some Theraflu at them (but they will definitely be making it themselves, no doubt. Self reliance and accountability, yo. Just kidding). These traits, though, they are engrained in my psyche. While useful in most situations, it also has created a very big difficulty in my asking for help when I need it. I have a great poker face. Vulnerability isn’t really my “thing.” Well, it wasn’t. Until now.
I’ll be relatively candid, this month has been a hard one. Aside from kicking off the month somewhat depressed because #dalportowedding was over, my training hours are getting longer (meaning my time with my dog is getting less and less), Mercury is in retrograde (so let’s face it we are all doomed), my personal life is something one could write a soap opera about, and I started seeing a therapist (this is actually a positive, but, ya know).
All of that said…this concept of “fast healing” (but this time in the emotional sense) has now suddenly become something I would like to challenge. Perhaps the way I have always approached healing doesn’t exactly work. Perhaps you have to really ‘feel the suck’, sit in it for a while, and really accept it in order to release it. Things don’t always go away by pretending they never happened. We can’t keep diverting our energy to other things if we haven’t really “dealt” with the things that truly require our attention. In fact, that festering creates a more intense and explosive situation down the line (trust me I know).
I’ve learned lately that getting help from others, and letting them care about you, is not all that scary. Nobody that really loves you judges you anyways, right? The past few weeks have been rocky, but in the midst of it I have had more people step up and be there for me in ways I would have never imagined. It’s reminded me to start dealing with problems instead of the infamous LDP action of “brushing it under the rug” – and in my stubborn nature, I often need a LOT of reminding. I’m challenging my own status quo. It’s like, pretty hard, you guys. But so far, it’s also been insanely rewarding. I can only imagine how it’s all going to feel when I get to the other side of this Grand Teton-sized mountain.
Amongst these hardships, I also have had some incredibly joyous times, bouts of lighthearted laughter, moments of pride, and lots and lots of gratitude. Let’s talk about those, with pictures, because pictures are more pretty #duh…
So here’s a little Happy Friday version of “Things I am Loving” 🙂
- PopSugar “Must Have” Boxes
My mom got me a 3-month subscription to these, it’s basically like a Birch Box but with a more eclectic mix of “stuff.” This month’s came the other day, and I love EVERYTHING. It was complete with this new yoga mat from Gaiam, Breathe Deeply eucalyptus facial spray (insta-zen, seriously), some body scrub thing that super-exfoliates and smells like lemon zest amazingness, a super cute new bracelet, new mascara, a foot therapy towelette (did they read my mind? With all of the running and cycling I am doing, this feels like it was sent from the Gods), and a few other little things. I wish I had the links to everything here but I’m kind of lazy so how about you just go HERE and sign up for this box of awesomeness yourselves because it really is “happiness delivered.”
- The “Lake Tahoe” ride. How have I not done this until now? I think I am addicted. It’s a stunning, stunning ride that completely circumferences the lake. I took WAY more photos than this, but I will not bore you. The ride is full of rolling hills, headwinds, sometimes really crappy roads, but come, on the views are worth it. Besides altitude training never hurt anyone. I’ll be doing this like, 7 more times before my big race in August.
Emerald Cove – can you say “AHHHH”? Well, I can. It was a freaking BETCH climbing up into this, and another betch climbing out of it. Worth it? Yep.
Disclaimer: Selfies while riding are for experienced yet somewhat stupid cyclists only.
72 miles later, I collapsed on the grass at Sunnyside in all my glory. And then I ate a huge sandwich.
- My Paint Splattered Nike Leggings. No, I am not being paid by Nike to promo their products. Nike stuff fits me well, and I am in love with these radical things. I wear them a lot – to spin class, to run in, to work, and I always get asked where I got them. I actually don’t think you can buy this print anymore but all of their stuff is awesome. Plus, they are the only legging I have found that doesn’t slip down on you until you start sweating a little. You know what I mean? Like, why do I have to sweat to make my spandex waistband “stick”? No idea what I’m talking about? Yeah ok, then buy Nike pants. Won’t be an issue.
- Barrel Project Zinfandel Sour Ale. So while yes, I have recently been obsessed with ciders, I came across this brew last week while at a coffee shop in SF and decided to try it (don’t worry, it wasn’t during work hours). I love Zin, and I love beer. So obviously I was intrigued and went for it. Uh, try it. Try it now. I have rather polarizing taste buds, so be forewarned, this ain’t no summer easy drinking choice. But it’s made it’s way into my rotation for sure.
- This blog post. You guys, the 1-Page Blog has this recruiter who writes for them sometimes and she’s like, soo00 good and you should totally check it out and HEY GUESS WHAT THAT’S ME. Shameless self-promotion. Sorry. But I’m pretty proud of this one. Stay tuned (or better yet, subscribe!) for more content from yours truly. 🙂
So all in all, Linds, why did you totally divulge your heart to us earlier? Well, since you asked…here’s the deal. I like to think that maybe my learnings and experiences will help others in some way shape or form. I personally find a lot of strength in talking things out with people, relating and comparing stories, and ultimately knowing that others go through some of the same messy life crap that I do, so here I am telling you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I’m trying to be vulnerable, remember? Also, like many of us, writing is a form of therapy for me. You’ll notice I like to sound like I am trying to win a “Who can use the word “like” the most” contest. I enjoy writing the way I talk – sassy, sarcastic, and sometimes even smart.
Besides…maybe we actually do have to hit rock bottom in order to stand a little taller. Maybe we have to be proverbially slapped across the face by people who love us in order to see the reality of a situation vs. dwelling on things we think we want, in order to wake up and take a look at our lives and realize how goddam lucky and worthy we are. The road ahead of me is long…and that light at the end of the tunnel is probably a little too far to see just yet, but the tunnel is in sight. Wow, maybe I DO heal pretty fast…or maybe I’m just really high on caffeine? Maybe it’s both.
HAPPY FRIDAY! What are you all up to this weekend? I’m doing yoga with some coworkers tonight to cap off the week, attending The Movemeant Foundation’s Dare to Bare event in the Marina, seeing Disclosure at the Bill Graham Auditorium with some friends, and of course, riding my bike. 🙂