adultish things

A few days before the long weekend began, I called off a friendship with someone that has been closer to me than almost anyone for some time now. I knew I had to let this person go from my life to save myself from ongoing heartache; it wasn’t something I wanted to do at all, and I questioned the decision a few times over the days following. That said, I knew deep down it was best for me and that the easy way out would have been to stay at my current status quo (but who has time for that, isn’t life about growth?). Man, adult decisions like that really…well, they suck.

I began to wonder about all of the things we do in our lives, for ourselves and to ourselves, that are not necessarily things we want to do, but things we feel we need to do for our own well being. How can we start creating a life where the margins between need vs. want get smaller? Perhaps it is a frame of mind switch, an attitude adjustment if you will. Perhaps it comes with more practice, realizing that every life lesson teaches us to have confidence in what we want and how to live out those elements of our truest selves. Using my situation above, I now know how to set better, firmer boundaries with myself to achieve my goals (this applies in so many ways, really). People pleasing often comes at the cost of one’s own happiness…this is something I am all too familiar with.

There are other, somewhat less emotional yet similar, things like this in life that I thought about…paying bills, staying late at the office to meet a deadline and missing out on a social event, going to the gym because you committed to a certain training when you’d rather hit the snooze button (hello, all the time), ordering a salad instead of a burger…or sometimes, removing someone we love from our life. These things are all acts of seeming obligation, not a choice that comes from a happy place (well, in initially anyway), but one of necessity and commitment to be our best self and to an extent, I think, it is somewhat enlightened and mature of us to make decisions like this.

The thing about the “downs” of life is they make us feel negativity in one form or another. While there is something to be said about keeping hope and in trying to ‘see the good’ in each situation or find the silver lining, I also truly believe we really need to let ourselves fully feel these bad feelings in order to be able to release them. One of my best friends, upon my telling her that I was in a sad funk one time, told me “Lindsey, it is TOTALLY ok to do that. You should cancel all your plans, stay home, order pizza, and just let yourself be sad and don’t feel like you need to talk to anyone. When you resurface, you’re going to be able to really move forward because you aren’t harboring any pent up feelings that you have pushed away for the sake of your ego, or to appear strong.”

…ok so maybe she didn’t use those exact words, that was more my internal monologue translation…but she helped me realize that it’s ok to feel bad sometimes, and that we need to allow ourselves the permission to do so.

So, after taking a day to be pretty upset over all of this, I was able to spend the remainder of the weekend working out really hard at a killer Barry’s Bootcamp class (there something about the smell of that studio that gets me…or perhaps it is the good looking trainers or the fact that it ABSOLUTELY kicks my butt), followed by a few nights with some friends, both old and new, up in Sonoma at a friend’s house. We laughed, drank summertime cocktails, tanned by the pool, enjoyed the local watering holes, bbq’d, and overall had a really great few days. Lucy came with me, she was the absolute star of the weekend, and I was thankful that she got to come up and run around and burn off her endless energy for a while! She and I also ran the famous Dipsea Stairs on the way back home from Mill Valley, to sweat out some of the weekend, and then I decided to make use of the gorgeous SF weather we’ve been having and went on a nice long, slow run along the coastline of Baker & Ocean beaches…it hit the 90’s in San Francisco, amazing!

It felt good to do something GOOD for me (that whole reducing the margins philosophy, go me). After another great sweat session with the sheepdog crew on Tuesday morning, I leaped into the short work week feeling a million times more grounded, and lucky, then I had a few days prior. I would definitely call that progress!

I hope everyone is having a great week! Mine is already flying by…tonight I’ve got a work event to recruit at Hackbright Academy for some talented female engineers, and then I am running a 5k at the Annual JP Chase Morgan Corporate Challenge with an organization I volunteer with, Year Up (there will be no record breaking times here, sheepdog workouts have been ruining my legs lately. Finally, this Friday, I am doing another GoRuck challenge with some AMAZING folks! I can’t wait to get dirty, tired, and lift some heavy stuff with these fantastic weirdos.

              IMG_0713   Sonoma summertime

IMG_0690Lucy and one of her many new friends

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Great times with great people in Sonoma

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Baker Beach on a 90-degree day in San Francisco 

Happy Wednesday to all! 🙂

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